User blog:Angel Emfrbl/So... Erm... Yeah... Hello there...

So I'm on my computer despite saying yesterday I wouldn't be on it.

Long story short, I take anti-depressants, forgot to order more for two weeks. Result? This morning their aura finally wore off and I'm back to being reminded why I take the things. Also, this is the other reason why I've done nothing for 4 days on the wikia; they've been wearing off and that's it pretty much whenever they wear off for me. Emotions kick in I hide normally and focus becomes a give-in to constant moods swings from sorrow to anger. I swear that those pills are nothing but a placebo effect and I'm wasting £14 on them every time I order another pack. But whenever they "wear off" as per such, negative thinking returns. Negative thinking is known to make a person feel more ill then they are anyway and so.. Yeah. They say only around 30% of all the pills you buy actually works and I'm never sure if these pills fall into that 30%.

Top it off with all the snow, forcing me indoors and limiting my daily routine to just chores... Yeah.

Even then, I won't get them until next week as my local doctors places a order once a week. So pardon me my fellow editors, until I get those pills work is going to be little then normal. Also, it take about two weeks for them to kick in, so basically... Until late Feb I'm not going to be much of a editor and now everything is going to be well behind. =_=

I'm glad I rounded up Kaito V3 before I did this blunder with my pills.

Also I have no control on how emotional I'm likely to get... Normally the only thing that "breaks" my emotions down is female related, though wherein most women get bitchy, I get very tearful because it lets me overcome the pills normally for *just* one day.

I only take these wretched pills because I had a bad life for 8 years. Its annoying though, I'm a carer for my Landlady officially and well... Its making that part a handful too. And with March coming only to months away I've been job searching again for work beyond looking after my Landlady,so this has put a damper on that too. Being a carer is "a job" as per such but its a minimum paid job. Basically, the government pays you to look after a sick person, normally someone close to you like a relative.It pays less then Job seekers allowance, but gives you a break from having to sign on every fortnight.

Basically, JSA is money they give you to job search, you are punished if you don't produce anything at all fortnightly. Trouble is in Norfolk, where I leave right now, the work is limited. If I want to go to the near coastal town there is no way to get there except by car. I don't drive. This limits you to just the train often, Kingslynn being the nearest major town to me. But its small, you can do everything you want in the place within 2 hours. At least Southend where I used to leave could be done in a day, 2 hours? There is enough shops to choose from, there just isn't enough shops to length out a day and their all focused in one triangle. Whereas with Southend what lengthen the day was everything was in a long straight line and that took a while to go through. Also because westcliff was one bus ride away, you had time to do that highstreet too. Westcliff is a town which Southend engulfed, making it part of it, hence why it has its own highstreet. Its the same for much of the villages and little towns around the southend area, "Southend" itself is actually smaller then most realize, but still the most major town (though not a city). Kinda like London consists of many towns and villages that were also absorbed into one big city over time.

Because everything was closer together, and there was plenty of things around the town, Southend was a easy town to at least knock off then needed amount of jobs for job searching even if you only had half a morning before you were called to the job centre.

Also, the other issue with BSA is that it doesn't give you a break... If you stay more then 6 months on it the government tries to force you to be more serious by sending you on job seeking courses. Sadly, their pretty much a big waste of time for most. Many there you find are on JSA but have no intention to actually find work, others have been unemployed for so long they have given up ever finding a job. Then there is a group of people like me who are jobseeking but are more put off by being trapped in a room with the lazy ones and the hopeless ones and find it harder to search with them around.

Worst part is, if you actually find work while on these it counts to that courses success rating; even if you didn't use them to find the work. Also... We found out the first time we were on it that it was also government fixing of numbers. While you were on the course you weren't "unemployed" as per such. Basically, it was their way of making X amount of % of all job seekers not appear to be unemployed.

Considering that while I was on one of the courses during the big recession a few years back... Their also a lost course. Everything I did job-seeking wise could be done within a morning I found while the recession was on. Even Southend struggled to cough up the usual amount of work to do. Because there was few jobs being advertised, you felt sheepish whenever someone asked you "why aren't you job searching?". Then you'd throw the search log at them and show them how little work was around and how you sent off all the letters and CV you could for the day.

Even though JSA gives you money to go job hunting, life sort of takes that money away too. If I wanted to do a search of the highstreet, that was £2.80 to get in by bus. Lunch was at least £5, and you'd spend the rest of a £10 on the stuff needed for job seeking. The JSA amounts to £62 a week, and between JSA and having to use that money for lifes general grieves, you end up being limited just by the overall lack of funding. If your lucky enough to get an interview, the Job centre does pay for the necessary means to send you off well dressed and equipt at least... But in 6 months I got 4 interviews only during the recession;


 * One was spoiled by my brother answering the phone and only getting half the details I needed to actually do the interview (as in, I knew the date,but not the time). When I tried to phone up to get the missing details, I met a rude woman on the other side who wouldn't listen to me asking for detailsand thought I was phoning to actually say I wasn't turning up.
 * He did it again a week later, this time failing to get actually where I was suppose to be going to. So I had the time, the date... Where was I meant to be???
 * One job was night work at a casino, my dad disapproved of it and told me two days later I'd got actually got a interview, turns out I was the only applicant; the only job in those whole 6 months I got through from and all I had to do was turn up for the interview to get it and he threw it away.
 * One Job I spent all the previous evening practicing for and planned to get the bus. I was late and missed the bus thanks to my selfish brother (who didn't care I was trying to be on-time for an interview only wear his socks and work things were he himself was suppose to wash the day before) but still had time to get in on the next bus, just it would push for time.  So my dad offered to take me by car.  By the time I got out I was so shaken by his driving (he purposely drove recklessly since he didn't want me to actually get a job) I got out of the car, burst into tears at my experience and flopped the interview over silly things,forgetting even my own university degree.

My dad didn't want me to find work because he was old fashioned and believed girls were for marrying off and looking after sick parents... He let my brother get a job but not me. That is not how a modern female is expected to work these days... He didn't even let me get Carers allowance to look after him and I was not qualified to do so. Plus he would mentally abuse me daily and tell me how useless I was. So yeah... This is why I'm in Norfolk now.

This is kinda why at 28, I'm jobless and all that. The impact of that life is kinda only just wearing off now and good grief, I need those freakin' pills already they make me sentimental without them! T_T