User blog:Angel Emfrbl/Debates...

The guys are VO forums complain I back out of debates... I can't be bothered with debates right now, it requires a lot of deep thinking and since X-mas I've had to cope with sleeping problems (3am and still not tired?). I'm a little worn. Plus quite depressed and stressed lately, personnel reasons. I get this way every year about this time (March-May) because my birthdays in May (9th). Every year I feel a little bit depressed over some of my lifes goals that failed to make themselves happen and I get a little older to boot. What? I'm 27 this year so I'm allowed to think about this kind of stuff, at 27 your lifes been mostly set on a track you can't get out of, and my track has always been a rough one. Thus, I get really moody about things out of my control.

I'm trying to take my mind off of a tingling disinterest in Vocaloid right now. ITs more of being fed up with the fandom. But the last fandom I was in, before One Piece, I did not enjoy for similair reasons. Only, on top of that the admin team allowed a biased New york guy to bully and harress those of not American breed. I was one of those he picked on, but his sterotypical view of british people was so 1940s, that he was wrong constantly and made mistakes. At least we have nothing like that in the Vocaloid fandom.

Oddly, I read a manga today as well... First time in a while I read a fresh manga I'd never read before since 2006. Well "unread fresh" to me, its not "new fresh. Just "The Wallflower", I saw the first few episodes once around a friends house and remembered I really liked the series from what I saw.  Its such a wierd little series at times.  Why do I relate to the main female character as well?  I picked it up today and started reading it.

Still haven't made up my mind on my song, its not very good so it doesn't matter.... Erm... I object to cover songs, but I have one I want to do after this, doubt I will be able to. Though I looked at my song and realised, I should rewired the song next time, I think the timing may be a little off. I'll upload it later this week privately while my brother is at work and not using up the bandwidth. Last time I tried to upload something he stole all the bandwidth. :-/

I'm also deciding if I should bother visiting my mother this year. My mother's one of those rough hitches in my life, I have two problematic parents who I don't know how to handle. My mothers problem is self-centred, she doesn't know how to handle her children and is very closed to those around her. Last time I visited her we had a fall out because she silenced me (I was 24 years old) in front of a bunch of her friends, because what I said contradicted her lies about my father. I pointed out to her, that honestly... She is no better then him and actually I have stories of my own, stories that are NOT lies that make him just as bad.

Actually... I'm noting down my thoughts and feelings, for my next song I want to focus on this matter and express how I feel about them. I've never tried to put my own thoughts into song, my usual songs are gentle, steady beats designed to just sit in the background and calm myself down. Trying to write into song though things like this requires a lot of thought... Been a while since I did something like this.