User blog:Angel Emfrbl/Excuse me...

The last couple of days I've had to deal with my lifes problems, which are starting to cause me a HELL of a mental break down. Whats been going on for years is starting to reach the climax and I've been told if I don't leave home soon, sooner or later I'm going to snap. I've already been diagonised with deep paranioa and I must admit sitting at my computer desk right now I'm SICK with worry. I'm trying to get my mother to e-mail me. I visited my father's step mother yesturday and after I told her about a recent event that took place, of which I had phoned after the day before after it happened, he is bitter with the actions of my father. If I do not leave home on the 2nd of June when I go to visit the Dover Project, a project I've been visiting related to domestic voilence, she'll never forgive me. So if excuse me if I don't do anything on the wikia the next few days, up until yesturday I could handle everything, this morning I work up and realised I just can't do that.

Theres only one solution and possibly the ONLY solution, if I can't do it myself then I'll have to go live with my mother. At least I'll have someone else to help me. She lives a long way and I have no idea whats going to happen when I get there. I can't go live with her directly she she'll have to arrange things. It will take a week to sort out and I have no idea how my father's going to react when I break the news to him. I really honestly don't know how his going to react. I can't cope with him or living in my own home. The last week alone, I've had to deal with so much in the last couple of months alone... Honestly...

http://emilybee.deviantart.com/

If you read the older jounral enteries on my DA account you'll get a glimpse of *some* of my problems. I stopped maintaining that. I know when I announce my leave to my father he WILL react, he'll call me stupid, crazy and then he'll either react quite badly or try to sweeten me up to convince me not to leave. But I know this trick... God grief. He can't stop me leaving, but to hell he'll do whatever is in his power to control me from leaving, but once the arrangements are made he can't do a thing. I've got to return a few things that belonged to my last boyfriend to his friends, I was told to keep them by my father but honestly I don't want more stuff to carry then I can. I already have to find money for boxes and things.

From what I gather from my nan, my father "controlled" my mother during their pre-marriage relationship in order to make her marry him, and that same "control" has been placed on me and my brother. My brother has turned violent in recent years and last year I was in hospital for a few hours when he unleashed his anger on me during an argument when I fell ill and tried to get some sleep, only to be woken up by him talking over the internet to someone in America late at night. I turned the internet off only in the process dropping the modem because my brother was trying to protect his game. I was hit in the head, to make matters worst I had no knowledge of first aid and as the doctor as the hospital said, I aactually slept on a mild concussion which could have killed me if not for the fact it wasn't serious.

So all of this is weighing on my mind.

I can't edit the wikia right now just because I need the break... I even tried posting on VO today, but one post and I can't do anything else. I'm going to play Minecraft for the rest of the day in the hope it takes my mind off my paranoia. I'll try again tomorrow editing.