User blog:Angel Emfrbl/Sad Face :-(

So... The guys at VO are whining about the length of my posts, they don't understand them when I do and think I'm just rambling on.

I write in a style most don't even how to approach and its not the first time I've come across this on the net. I've tried to iron it out bbut it always comes back to haunt me. T_T

No I don't blame VO, its a long story. My dyslexia started kicking in about half a decade or so ago, I had 2 years where I didn't do much writing, which allowed it to creep in. So to combat it I was told writing lots of things will help. Trouble is... I don't know now when to cut back. Also, they don't understand my use of emoticons. Again, very early on in the 00's I had to resort to using them to express things more clearly. Nowa days on the net, the trend is not to rely on them so much, back in the early 00's they helped clear things up.

Its not something I haven't heard before and as I said, VO isn't the first time. At this point... I honestly don't know what to do about it. Its like, when I first logged onto the net I was a happy care-free individual who was at college crashing on the net between lessons and general using it for social interaction. I had fun, I giggled with the other fangirls and had some real blast of a time.

I was still in my teens though. Ten years down the line the party has died, I'm not a fun-loving teen anymore and I'm more experienced with the net life. So the net has left some bad impressions on me. I know of websites to avoid.. I've discussed topics to death like religion, GM crops and all that, and even sexuality. You know talking about Gun control was new and fresh the first time I did it in about 2002 when I had a crappy dial up connection, but now. I'm like... "I've been discussing this my entire net life... I'm not going in this topic".

Also my patience for others on the net is lower then I would like it to be. To the point where if people don't get where I'm coming from I have no will to try and reason with them for very long. =_=

Trolls? I've encountered them for a decade...

Meme's? given up on tracking them.

The chan sites? Passed caring.

On-line Gaming, I grew to hate cheaters and general group raids.

Social networks, you don't know these guys, you never will, you will loose track of most of them within a year of your most common reason for talking. You know how many people I've Chatted with? hundreds! How many kept on talking to me over the years? 0%. Nothing to do with me, they just moved on. For example, there was a Chinese girls I used to talk to, fine until she met until girl online also Chinese, I was out of her friend circle and replaced with the new girl because they had more in common.

I'm happy wiki-editing and I don't really take forums as seriously as I should nor do I tend to really care as much as I'd like. This si the thing even VO'ers don't realize, its nothing to do with VO itself, I just am not a fan of forums. If there is ever a big problem you have on the net, a forum is always the source of it. ^_-

The net is like a job to me these days, its not "fun" and I just don't treat it like it. I have "fun" on occasions, I even joke, but I just don't have the will to engage and treat it like real life.

Why?

When I was suffering through mental abuse, no one on-line cared. They thought I was a whiny drama-queen and often told me where to get off. Who cared more? My mother. Who rescued me? My mother. Not one person on-line even thought to give me a link to information to help me. This woman in real life gave me a leaflet and a number of whom to call to get help and it did,its how my mother came to be able to rescue me in the first place. People on-line don't like to hear the problems of others and would sooner move onto others then read about it. They'll Criticize and say how bad it is when they read in the news, when when faced with a REAL PERSON suffering the situations they read in the news, they don't want to know.

People are left alone... Your faced on-line with a untold large amount of people who don't give a dam if your suffering and would rather you shut up and be quiet so they can talk about Nyan cat and Slenderman or something... In real life, if I was left crying in the street, someone came over and asked "whats the matter". The internet is shit. People often say "its your own fault" your like that and don't see whats stopping you change things, or they mock you for not being better then you are.

The internet is the most heartless place you'll ever come across.

So excuse me for not being polite sometimes, people must understand that I've encountered a lot of ass-holes on-line (in fact... Most came off as this) and not many people who take things seriously. Or even are willing to lend a shoulder for you to cry on. And no matter what you do, you adjust yourself for one fandom, then find when you move to another the norm changes. I'm just unwilling to keep changing.

If people want to get to know me, they need to talk to me, understand me, learn how I work. I've been done with bringing myself to meet peoples' standards and honestly... I'd rather just be myself then be what they want me to be. It makes you most honest. Take me as I come... Don't like me, that is entirely up to you. But this works two ways you know... Yeah, I needed to rant since this has been something I've grown sick of in the last half a decade. I just don't care about that much. I'm dyslexic, far fro perfect, had a rough life where I had abuse and bullying... Somethings people hurt me with what they say on-line, but what people did in real life was far more damaging. This is just like watching a horror movie to me, I'll be scared and might loose sleep, but tomorrow I'll be up late watching another movie, perhaps this one not so scary... Maybe even scarier. ^_-