User blog:TenshiAkari12/Wondering if I made the right job choice for now...

I'm beat... so I'm probably going to be a little less wordy than my usual posts.

Long story short: the job I'm working just seems to be extraordinarily unstable... because it seems like as soon as I finally get the routine down, I'm being shifted around to another place with another group of kids of whom I have to get used to and understand their needs to help ease the learning proccess for them. Since starting up with the position, I've at least made seven or more task swaps, a few of them not really listed in the original job description, or just being pulled in the middle of what I was originally hired to do to sub during meeting times when there's a teacher out for one of the special classes. So much so it's to the point I'm wondering if I'm even being effective wherever I'm assigned to... I'm feeling a little depressed, because it's like wherever I step, it's nothing but quicksand and no solid ground, and there's really no way I can know if I'm actually being of help to the students, because I'm never in their presence long enough.

It sucks, because a lot of kids only have their daily school routine as the most stable constant in their lives, and having that disrupted when they least expect it throws them off to a point. So I'm kind of wondering how this is going to affect the kids in the long run... because to be honest, I'm feeling myself starting to wear down, and not being able to adjust fast enough to the changes and the needs of each new set of kids I work with is clearly starting to become something that's starting to affect me off the job, too. So I could understand completely if the kids started getting jaded after having to switch around with yet another adult they aren't used to interacting with in such a short amount of time. If I had known that I was going to be stretched out and shuffled around this much in such a short period, I probably would've had second thoughts before applying... either way, I wish this stuff was clearly stated beforehand that I'd be doing way more than what I probably would be hired to do and be more mentally prepared for it. I mean, I love working with the kids and doing whatever I can to help the teachers out, but not being able to settle into a stable routine has kind of started shattering my morale...

So yeah... that's my whine for this month... outside of being too tired to do the things I like to do when I get home. Trying to see if I can at least make it through to Thanksgiving before taking days off... originally, I was thinking after New Years, but I'd probably lose my mind at the rate things are going. I just want to be able to stick with one place and actually feel like I'm doing something useful instead of being shifted around and feeling clueless on what to do next. At the very least, it would ease my mind and help me work more effectively. Otherwise, I'm just going to go back to looking for something else to do with my life while I weather this emotional storm I'm going through with it all.