User blog comment:Angel Emfrbl/Some feed back/@comment-26078132-20151125022546/@comment-53539-20151125135918

The crit won't help me make a decision, that the only reason why I don't want it. And if its to be made, I'd rather it go on DA where its in order.

I think the big issue is I just lack confidence in myself. As I said elsewhere to the anon below, I had a controlling father who didn't want me to leave home. So I was constantly blackmailed. In fact 4 years ago or so I had a nervous break down. I wan't very strong willed compared to know and even now I'm nervous and shy. When people tell me how good I get embarrassed... I don't think highly of it. I lot of it was to do with showing my rt at university and seeing works I put half the effort in and generally I completely disliked... Well... Get praised over works I put hours of effort into and was proud of.

I've had this discussion before, and they said that its part of teachers trying to help you develope your own artwork... But... They didn't. My art was too traditional and thats not what they wanted. So I kinda lost fith in my own work and haven't ever recovered since. I threw some works awy because of an argument with my father over the way things were, things like woman I drew who was scaled "to life" from a 3 inch photograph from a magazine. I lost lot of work, but I'd given up by that point. He said to me "daughters should only leave home whenthey get mrried" two months before I left. And to be fair... I was "rescued" after my break down.

This is why I have so much doubt and questioning about the legitimacy of my work. Its 4 and a bit years later and nothings changed. I've tried to change careers and it turns out all I'm really good at it what I was doing.

This is also why when I was bureaucrat I couldn't' take all the pressure. I had a LOT of stress at the time I started coming to this wikia and it was really making my fall apart at the seams...