User blog comment:Speedyblue/I Think I Should Tell You This.../@comment-53539-20180906203958

No yelling at you and telling you your worthless is wrong, but at the same time I don't believe in giving someone a warm hug because too often on the net, people use this to get attention. ITs too easy to say you support someone and then ignore them, because strangers on the net are just that. The best solution is just me telling you what my experience is so you have a comparison. There are parts of a life that are entirely different to other parts of your life to the point that you can wonder why you got so down in those parts of your life.

One of the traps you can easily fall prey to is believing things like bullies have long term effect on you, but honestly?

I have not seen 1 person in 8 years from my highschool. I have not seen one person from my college since 2001. I have not seen anyone from my university since 2007. The bullies are a moment of time, you have to endure sadly until you enter the next stage. Life does change at different points, one stage can be hell and the next heaven. You have no idea whats coming next and its a great mystery. I, after my second boyfriend, swore never to get in another relationship. I went to an RPG club a few years ago nervous as hell. 1 year later I have a boyfriend and we stated that if we're together in a few years time we'll consider having children. Thats how unpredictable my own life is and thats how unpredictable your own will likely get.

Finally the only thing to note is depression itself alone is no joke. You can't just "get over it" and it has its impact on the brain as researchers have discovered. So when it gets so bad its at suicide stage you really, really, and I'm harshly stressing the "really" need to get help for this reason. I suffer from depression and while I'm on and off pills, they do impact my life and do help a lot. There is no shame in asking for this kind of help either. That is something I will say you do need to get an expert on especially when it gets to suicide levels. Suicide is never a solution, but I've been there and you can get over it. One of the reasons I have to sit there and talk myself out of it every time I get them from time to time is this...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOK1tKFFIQI

I've seen the consequences of what can happen several times.

A friend of ours tried to slit her throat, survived but damaged her voicebox doing it as she cut into it. She is paying the price for it and regrets it. She has a daughter who won't forgive her for it and its destroyed their relationship. And she has to take constant medical treatment for it. She realises now it was a stupid idea as she can see how her two children feel about finding their mother like that. A friend of ours has a grandson who tried to commit suicide because his mum had 8 kids and eft him to handle them at 18 years old, he survived the attempted hanging of himself with brain damage which will never go away. I spoke to a woman once on a train I caught where 1 hour beforehand a man had thrown himself in a drunken state onto a train and killed himself in the process, arriving apparently at the station with him caught on top. This woman spoke of her friend who stepped in front of a train and was not killed but sent flying, the price was both arms lost and they lead a pathetic life, unable to do any harm to themselves as without arms they can't do much... But hating most of all they did that. My landlady tried suicide several times, and mentioned to me once she sat in hospital with a bunch of others joking how between them they can write a book on how not to do suicide, but all had scars and minor things like brain damage to handle. Its not a light hearted subject and nobody thinks of the consequences of *if* they don't pull it off... But while I know nobody who has pulled it off successfully. I know someone whose husband accidently killed himself trying to get attention by throwing himself on a car bonnet and missing... But I know no one who has succeeded.

But....

In death in general... I have seen deaths not of that nature and their consquences. 3 recently alone on my mother's street... One died in a fire and I saw the house today without a roof... Another was her next door neighbour whose wife had a medical condition they knew would lead to her death. The third was an accidental overdose... Her 8 year old son found her like that, and her other 3 children all were devasted. As bratty as they were and as troublesome as they were- no kid deserves that. Death in general is sad, it leads to arguments in one hand and in the other people wondering of all the things they could do again or change.

When we think of suicidal thoughts, we don't think of how selfish it can be, we only think we're a burden and taking our life will be less of a burden, we think there is nothing in the future because we only have today and the past to base life on. As I said we don't know what life in the future is like, without that knowledge we don't know what its like to go through things like starting again and leaving entire lives behind. I did this myself once, it was rather scary and strange, my mother has done it 4 times. I'm glad I did it though. The reality is we don't know what the future is. We're not this big burden most of the time we think of. But we're "not thinking straight" at the time and we can't see past our own head. You do need help, yes, you can retrain your thoughts away from it but its not easy and I can't tell you in one attempt how to do that. You need to see a doctor, a counsellor (school if your still at one or otherwise a medical one). If not there are websites on line you can look up.

As I said though... Regardless of the fact, I know the set of people I speak to today aren't the ones I spoke to at highschool, college, university, at work, etc. I pick and choose at my pleasure who I deal with. Sure there are times you've got to deal with bad people... But when I walk into my house, go to my rented room, close the door, nobody follows me. I close my eyes and tomorrows another day. Even here on the net, the best part is I can switch off my computer and all is gone. I can change twitter accounts, go to different wikis, join different communities. There are things we have no choices on, but there are always things we do. Tomorrow for example... I take my first driving lesson, thats scary. I choose at 34 years old now is the time to learn. Bit late at 34 but better then 44. Every Sunday I go to a RPG club of my choosing, nobody tells me to go. I have a boyfriend I didn't expect to have but I choose to have him in my life.

Again, even if those bullies stick around, you'll get to the point in life, you can simply choose not to have these bullies in your life as well. You can pack your bags, move to a different place. So it is important to acknowledge these bullies can't hurt your forever when you think of suicide at least, even if you don't seek help for it. They will get to a point wherein even their little gangs don't exist anymore since they too will go through the same events. They'll pick a college, find out perhaps not all of them will be there, and make new friends at college, loosing contact with the old ones. The bullies are themselves immature and often seeking to make themselves feel good or just want a punching bag to take out their frustrations on. But my mother said it herself at her highschool reunion a few years back that many felt guilty about how mean spirited they were as children to her, because some of them went through hell and back and had things put in perspective when their an adult. Some had bosses who were a-holes, others had cheating spouses and the "big" thing they thought they were when they were a child turned out to be far from the truth. The pretty ones at highschool for example, turn out to be scumbags or their beauty is short and at 40 some were remarking how good looking my mother looked despite not wearing make up while many hadn't faired well. Especially those who did drugs or alcohol. Others turned their life into crap after highschool and were in a position worst then even my mother's at her worst. Even I've had this when I meet one of my bullies at the job centre at 19 years old. In the three years since she left highschool she did drugs and never killed herself doing it, destroying her life and was left picking it up.